I haven't shared anything on my blog about this pregnancy or really taken any "bump" pictures. Part of that is we found out that I was pregnant in the middle of our big move and we were still in a transitional phase. The other part is that I'm so busy with Henry that he takes up my days and fills up every moment of free time. Another part is that so many have reached out and said, "What?!? Why did you choose this? Couldn't you see everything coming?"
Yes, I chose to become pregnant. I was over-the-moon thrilled when I found out because I was pretty sure that it couldn't happen again. We knew we wanted to add another baby to the family when we found out-- Did we know that some of the greatest trials were headed our way? No clue. But sometimes bad things happen to good people.
So to answer your questions--
- Would we still have a baby if we knew we were going to lose thousands of dollars in one summer? Probably not.
- Would we still have a baby if we knew we would practically lose everything we owned along with all the money in the same summer? Probably not.
- Would we still have a baby if we knew Henry was going to need extensive therapy? Probably not.
- Would we still have a baby if we knew Henry was going to need to see doctors and specialists down the road for his autism? Probably not.
BUT . . . Would we still have a baby with all of the above trials knowing that there may never be another chance to have another one? YES.
Why? Because babies born into this world no matter what circumstance are miracles.
Henry was my rainbow baby. Allow me to explain. A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage. Our first baby Gracie broke my young heart when we lost her, it made me realize what sorrow really is and how to find joy in sorrow. Henry didn't come for another four years which was a LONG time to wait.
When Henry was born, it was no small feat. Emergency c-section, breast cancer, not being able to breast feed, a small hospital scare for Henry (which turned out to be something small-- thank goodness), a big move at just a few months old-- we were in over our heads as new parents. Not to mention it was the pregnancy from you know where almost the entire nine months. However, despite all of that we've never been happier because of Henry. Kevin and I have experienced more love than we ever thought possible by being parents. It was worth every single moment and I knew I would do it all over again to have my happy little boy.
Fast forward again to when we found out we were pregnant to baby number two. A couple of days after we found out, Kevin was holding my hand in the emergency room and I was doing my best not to lose it right there. I was in so much pain that I thought we were going to lose this one too. Part of me wanted to count my blessings that it was early on and not the 17+ weeks and another part of me, wondered why me? I knew we wanted this baby so badly no matter what.
I prayed earnestly that this baby would be able to be part of our family. I was blessed because the doctor's were able to stabilize me right there. I'm now in the third trimester with about a month and half to go! I seriously cannot be more thrilled that we're having a girl.
Yes, we're planning another c section and it should be a lot smoother. Since it's planned, no one should be in a rush or panic and be able to take their time. Also, it helps knowing a little as to what to expect. As I learned from my birth experience with Henry, you just go with it and take it in strides.
The only hard part now is deciding a name. :)
Photography by Rebecca Pearson for Happy Joyful Day